How does it feel?

How does it feel?


When you treat
Someone
Like god
And you
find
That he’s not even
A
good human being
How does it feel?
How does it feel?

When you
Endlessly end
From where
You started off
How does it feel?
How does it feel?

When moments
Melt in the heat of time
And memories don’t
When you
Start thinking
Death would
Be beautiful
than this dead living
How does it feel?
How does it feel?

I don't Miss you.

The frankies
we had
The moments
we shared
The shopkeeper
His eyes
misses
me with thine
But I don’t
I really don’t!

The morning walks
we took
The green garden
The grey roads
The blue brook
The roadside “chai’
in rupees three
The warmth of
the ‘chai’
The warmth
Of the early sun
Misses you dear
But I don’t
I really don’t

The local trips
We boarded in
Local trains
The fight
for the seat
at the window pane
The blue empty seat
Misses you dear,
But I don’t
I really don’t

Often
I went
To the hanuman temple
You know
Waited for the ‘prasad’
Your favorite to show
The deep orange bundi’s
Misses you dear,
But I Don’t
I really don’t

The Mac Donalds burger
We always liked
Mine with extra cheese
Yours was light
For the French fries
The frivolous fight
we had
The last French fry
Misses you dear
But I don’t
I really don’t

With you
I flied
in the bike ride
The gushing wind
filled with
your fragrance delight
The yellow evening light
was always mine
The yellow light
melts in my eyes dear
The air misses your aroma dear
But I don’t
I really don’t

My purple diary
That you read
Contained you
Each time it was fed
The blank pages
Misses your name dear
But I don’t
I really don’t

The talaab where we met
When the clock strucked nine
The stars
The temple
The moon
Sublime
The water misses
Your reflection with mine dear
The clock still misses you
When it strikes nine dear
But I don’t
I really don’t
Do you hear me say?
NO
I DON’T
I REALLY DON’T!!!

The castle of guilt

I know
I have been wrong somewhere
But there were times
when I was right too
If thou art
punishing me for the wrong
I have done
Then be justified
in rewarding
me for my rights.
I am ordinary
Very ordinary
And I hold the castle of guilt
Which wasn’t by me alone built
Your silence demands
For a spoken language
Talk!
Please talk!
I have polluted
sheer feelings
with futile words
Now
I remain
silent
letting my silence
form a language
What words could never
achieve.

Just....!!

Solace has she found within
While searching it forever outside
Nothing can stop her now
Nothing can stop the smile
Gone are the days when she was fragile

She loved someone with all her might
Now she immerses in the divine light
Nothing she wants any more
She’s found her sea
She stands near the shore!

Wandering in Circles!

From hating you

to loving you

From loving you

to the endless longing

Hope surrender’s to fear

Crying day surrender’s

to the crying night

Walk slows down

Smile covers the unshed tear

Head consoles the heart

Heart fights the truth

Past burning the present

Present fearful of future

I keep wandering

in circles

And find myself

Back

to where

You had left me

ALONE!

Lesson of the day!

Good guy's and good shoes are out of stock when needed!

Ganpati Bappa....moriyaaan...!!!!!

Ganpati

Taara Vina Veran

Taara Vina Veran...!!!
Taara Vina Veran,
laage Aa Raatdi
vaat Juve Chhe Maari Aankhdi
Ho...vaat Juve Chhe Maari Aankhdi
re Kaanaaaa Hu Tane Chahu Hu Tane Chahu..-2
kem Re Nibhavshu Preet Re Gopala,
kem Re Nibhavshu Preet Re Gopala,
(tu To Jagat No Swamivraj Ni Hu brij Baala)2
re Kanaaa Hu Tane Chahu Hu Tane Chahu
taara Vina Veran....
These are the lyrics of a gujrati song played during the garba.Whenever I hear this song I often picturize it being sung by Meerabai.
I still have to figure out who sings this..the gopi or meera or radha? Big confusion!!!!
Anyways for now, to what I understand in the lyrics.
It says,
This night is empty without you Oh Shyam,
and my eyes are waiting to hold your sight.
Oh Dearest Shyam,
I love you.I love you.
How will I remain commited to you Oh Gopala(another name of lord krishna)?
You are the god of all
And I am the brij bala.(I need to figure out whats brij bala..does it mean radha or gopi?..)
Oh Dearest Shyam,
I love you.I love you.
The lyrics are plain and simple. I love to play garba on this song specially.Actually on second thought I like to play garba on any song.:).
Re kanhaaaaa hun taney chahuuuuuuu..hu taney chahuuuuuuu..!! These lines go on a high pitch which really adds to the beauty of this song making it a melodious tune to remember.
Waiting eagerly for garba and yes to dance.:)!

Review's of New York/Love Aaj Kal.

I liked some songs of New York which builded my curiosity to view this film.Infact I loved this song merey sang toh chal zaara..kyun dikhey dara dara..!!
But the film is so saddd...some first one hour is OK,strictly O.K...but later I gave up,I tried being glued to the screen,but it was too boring.
But the scenes where Abraham is going through detention are very well shown.I had got goose pimples man!
Lets give him the credit that he's done some acting there.And yeah!! Good one!!:)
Now comes Love Aaj Kal.
Again I am in love with this song Chor Bazaari.Uff kya gaana hain.The lyrics are quiet contemporary and full of life.One can easily relate to them,I mean today's generation.
I liked the modern Saif Ali and the heroine.(Am sorry I do not remember her name) but the punjabi Saif Ali Khan,there the film gets a little boring at places.One more thing I felt is someone else should have played that role because when Saif is playing that role it looses it realism part and there it looks more like a drama or lets say soemthing not very realistic.Am sure the director must have had some viewpoint while doing the same or may be the production cost must have reduced by doing this.:).
I simply love the ending besides teh fact that its not soemthing unusually different but I simply love the last scene of the film.When the heroine starts crying and gets down the crane and runs and hugs the hero...ooooopsss...oh she doesnt run..or does she..shit I forgot..OkI think I should watch it again.But she cries and gets down the crane for sure.:)
The songs are pretty good,the treatment of film one can understand is similar to the previous films made by the director i.e. Jab we Met and Socha Na Tha.Both of them were awesome films.
All in all some good films for a change are around or perhaps I am being a movie gulper lately.
Waiting to watch Kaminey,looks like its a good film.

Swine flu terror!

Swine flu is become a big terror.Seriously!!I never got scared to travel in trains after the terrorist attacks but now seeing everyone or atleast many people wearing mask I feel that I will definately get infected by the flu by not wearing one.:)
Ohmigod!I saw sooo many people taking precautions and wearing a mask but I feel lazy to go and buy from the shop and heard it from one of the doctors that the mask should be changed in 4 hours time.Itni mehnat kaun karega yaar!
Anyways the good news is that the college will be closed for 7 good days! yey..yey..yeyhoooo..!!
I hope it gets delayed atleast to 15 days! whatta fun it would be!
But on serious notes I hope it gets eradicated from its roots asap.Its so uncool to see people wearing masks and imagine one gets scared even to breathe!
What could be worse..!!!
Ok,I better get back to work!

Kuch Dil na kaha..!!

This song is from the film Annapurna(1966) sung by Lataji and picturized on Sharmila Tagore!
The second verse of this song is really close to my heart.Its got deep and meaningful lyrics.
The lyrics goes like this:
dil kee tasallee ke liye,
zoothhee chamak zoothhaa nikhaar
jeewan to sunaa hee rahaa,
sab samaze aayee hain bahaar
kaliyon se koee poochhe to,
hasatee hain yaa ke rotee hain
ayesee bhee baate hotee hain.. ..
ayesee bhee baate hotee hain.. ..
Translation:
Just for the sake of heart,
(I wear a mask of) False shine and false glory,
(My) life has always been empty,
But everyone thought its blossomed like spring,
Did anyone ask the flower buds?
Whether shes smiling or crying?
Such things exist too!!!
Such things exist too!!!
Pain is painted beautifully in the above lines.
Hats off too the lyric writer Mr.Kaifi Azmi!!
There were some real jewels during that era which for sure are missed now in this era of remixes!!

Maa!

She was the best friend I had in my childhood! I called her Maa because my dad called her Maa too and so did my other brothers and sisters. She was my Grandmother.
Simple and very uncomplicated. I and Vicky Bhai (my cousin brother) were her favorite kids in the home.
Those days are memories painted with gold truly.
I and Maa use to go to temple early in the morning.I remember she taught me simple household chores with great love and care.
When I was in fourth standard I with my parents shifted to a new house and Maa was staying with Taiji and Tauji.
While going to school I would travel in a rickshaw and pass the old house and Maa would sit in the balcony early morning every day just to wave at me and Alok in the rickshaw. And then everyday after I school would go and meet her and we would eat samosa’s together. Both of us use to simply love it.
Maa had really pampered me like all the grandparents do.
When I was in eighth standard Maa left us all.That was the first death I had ever seen.By that age I knew no one comes back but I could not believe it that she’s no more!
I remember I kept staring at the dead body for a long time and then papa just took me in the other room.I was hoping she gets up!
For some years I really missed her and she would come in my dreams too.I would be so happy, overwhelmed to see her in my dreams. As if I met her in my real life too.And what was amazing she would talk to me,guide me in whatever was happening in my life. It was unbelievable. Sometimes the dreams look like a greater reality than reality itself.
But as some years passed I don’t see her now in my dreams anymore.
At times I really wish that if she was with us today I could have done so much more for her and be with her.
But she had suffered a lot in her last days and was very ill. So may be god had a better home for her without any pains.
She loved mangoes.Even today at times I think of her while having a mango and in her last days she could not eat mango because of her illness.When I think of this I really feel sad about it.
I still Miss her!!

Gori hain toh Soni hain!

That’s the ideology of beautiful in Indian scenario .I met a group of people from different countries and understood how differently beauty is defined everywhere in the world.
And its more to do with the mental setup of what you think is beautiful; you find it beautiful; good looking and not other way round.
During the British Rule Indians were made to feel inferior to the whites and its then that they developed this concept that white is good and superior. And sadly till date this is the notion for many Indian minds that, “Gori hain toh Soni hain.”
Thanks to Actors like Bipasha Basu and Nandita Das who are seemingly changing the concept of Fair is Beautiful.
So this is to people who think fair is beautiful there’s much more to beauty people, with your eyes you just need to open your minds too and then you might discover that;
BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL TOO!

Seven Days of Silence!

Heard from a friend about this course of Vipassana and had decided will do it for sure.
The code of discipline when read was scary but I thought it’s doable and was pretty excited about the course.
Reached there with full enthusiasm and charged up. We were given individual rooms and were expected to live in total isolation No mobile phones, No internet connection, total cut off with the outside world.
I wanted some peace of mind and sit and stare at life!
Thought it would be a perfect place and indeed it was but then towards the end I missed my mother terribly.
The meditation done over there takes you deep within and you start realizing the truth beneath the surface level and that was the most beautiful feeling. Something just clicks inside you and you suddenly start getting answers for the questions asked from such a long time. Yes, it happens only with the mediation. To believe it you have to EXPEREINCE it.
My biggest achievement of the course was I stayed with a lizard for two days.I am so horrified of Lizards…!!Now, that’s a real achievement!
And I also spotted a snake in the garden! Shit…!! I was scared to death!!
On the seventh day, I could just not resist being away from my family and I realized how often we take our dear ones so much for granted. I knew in return its only my parents missing me the most. I was missing fighting with my brother and was missing playing with my nephew. Only three more days were left in the course but at that moment all I wanted was to talk to my mom! How silly could I be!
I had loved the course so far but three more days I could not stay!
I convinced myself that sometime later I will complete ten days and left from there on the seventh day!
So seven days of Silence and a lifetime remembrance.

Bob Dylan Is GOD!!!

Its approx 2 to 3 years back that I was just chatting with a friend and he just shared the lyrics of this song called blowing in the wind.
I read the lyrics and that was one of the best piece of poetry I read. I was so overjoyed to listen to this song. I immediately searched this song on you tube and felt in love with this song. For some weeks I heard this song almost daily. It had become like my national anthem. Without listening to this song I could not start my work. And the more I heard this song it just went through me like a thread through a needle. It’s got so deep and raw lyrics.
And the lyric of this song goes like this:

Blowin' In The Wind

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Now,is’nt that just beautiful. Then I started digging for his songs and got a list of his songs. And his songs serve as a medicine to my mood .The only soothing balm and cure to my heartaches.:).
One more beautiful song which a beautiful imagery and I heard it for hundreds of time was; Its all over now,baby blue.
I want to paint in reference to the lyrics of this song but don’t know when I will do the same.

You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last.
But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast.
Yonder stands your orphan with his gun,
Crying like a fire in the sun.
Look out the saints are comin' through
And it's all over now, Baby Blue.

The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
Take what you have gathered from coincidence.
The empty-handed painter from your streets
Is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets.
This sky, too, is folding under you
And it's all over now, Baby Blue.

All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home.
All your reindeer armies, are all going home.
The lover who just walked out your door
Has taken all his blankets from the floor.
The carpet, too, is moving under you
And it's all over now, Baby Blue.

Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.
Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.
The vagabond who's rapping at your door
Is standing in the clothes that you once wore.
Strike another match, go start anew
And it's all over now, Baby Blue.

Its said that Dylan sings this song of undergoing changes in his life.
For me it acts for draining my emotions in form of music.For me the song potrays on moving on in life and excepting the change in a very suttle manner.
He just pours his heart out. There’s just no mendaciousness and hypocrisy in it.Its just plainly good. raw and honest lyrics justifying the feelings one goes through.
So grateful to Bob Dylan. His songs make my heart so much lighter.
Other favorites are Lay lady lay, Hallelujah, Knocking On Heavens Door, Like A Rolling Stone, Rainy day women, butterfly kisses etc.

I don’t know why the young generation doesn’t appreciate his kinda music.
His music is just heard by the oldies.
Doesn’t matter for me Bob Dylan Is God in music.:).

Shall we Dance.

I loved Richard Gere in this film.
And have seen this film a few times and I always await for two three scenes. One of them is when as Beverly Clark(Susan Sarandon ) is trying to find out why is John Clark(Richard Gere)
behaving weirdly. She suspects him to have an extra marital affair. She thinks her marriage is gone for a toss!
And while conversing with a detective she says the following dialogues:

Why do you think people get married? It’s because we need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean?But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things.All of it. All of the time. Every day.You’re saying “Your life will not go un-noticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness, “Beverly Clark, Shall We Dance (2004)

Now, this is so beautiful and so perfectly said.*clap*clap*
She delivered the dialogue too with great efficiency.

And other scene is when Jennifer Lopez teaching a form of dance named Rumba
And she says:

Paulina: The rumba is the vertical expression of a horizontal wish. You have to hold her, like the skin on her thigh is your reason for living. Let her go, like your heart's being ripped from your chest. Throw her back, like you're going to have your way with her right here on the dance floor. And then finish, like she's ruined you for life.

Beautiful Film. Richard Gere looks as handsome as ever. :)

Diamond On a Grass.

Lets stop the game,
of love ,
lust and liars.
Where the,
sellers themselves,
are being the buyers.
Its my,
breathing existence,
not some thing immune,
I aint a puppet,
who will dance to ur tune.
Soon will I realize,
as time will pass,
it wasnt a diamond,
but a dewdrop on a grass.
May be being emotional,
doesn't serve you your bread,
but if living without it,
you are already dead.
Its the great joy of knowing you,
that suppresses the sorrow,
How I wish,
You wernt empty and hollow.

I shall be gone!!!

When you get time to see,
I shall not look back again,
I shall be gone.
When you yearn to listen,
I will be empty of words,
I shall be gone.
So many unfilled days,
fills me with,
No hopes,
No expectations.
Nothing expected,
Nothing accepted.
I shall be gone,
I shall be gone.
I am glad feelings faded,
No return to the land,
Where I feel sick and jaded.
Promises wrecked,
can never be mended.
A partition,
mounting fissure,
can hardly be concealed.
Nothing expected,
Nothing accepted.
I shall be gone!!!
I shall be gone!!!

Unfulfilled dream in a dream.

Its different forms of a same woman depicting various emotions. I tried using bright colors like blue; red and orange to show a shady emotion like a flashing smile on the face could be a reason of suppressing pain. As every painting is; it is a visual representation or objectification of a feeling. It was a great stress reliever for me. It was one of the beautiful art experience; when your just one with the painting and nothing around you really matters. And I realized; that it so truly said; what a poor life without painting!!

The joy of benevolence!

My restlessness sleeps,
Only in your arms,
You nullify me,
You mellow me down.

Having searched you,
I have discovered myself.
Having loved you,
I have loved myself.

Love would be so beautiful,
I never thought,
There was deeper romance,
In moments we fought.

Known have I,
Pleasures and pains,
Life is,
Sometimes to loose,
Sometimes to gain.

Some memories to hold,
Woven in words like a cage.
Some memories to loose,
Are with tears on page.

I have lost myself in you,
No hopes, wishes now left.
No complaints,
No desires aloofly kept.

The joy of benevolence,
I have now known,
It doesn’t matter,
Malevolence you have shown!
It doesn’t matter,
Malevolence you have shown!

My restlessness sleeps,
Only in your arms,
You nullify me,
You mellow me down.

19th-century, Neoclassicism. By Antonio Canova.

Take me
Oh take me to the land Unknown,
Land of joy,
Land of esctacy,
Let me fly with thee,
Oh take me,
Oh take me....!!!

Loved this sculpture by Antonio Canova it belongs to Neo-calssicism period.

Delhi 6..!!

Abhishek Bachan is sooooooo cuttteeeeeeeeee...!!I was just hoping that he pops out of the screen somehow....!!!Thanks to my friend who took me for this film.:).Thanku..thanku..thanku...!!:)
I can go on and on saying Abhishek Truly rocks!
I loved this film.Liked how Ramayan and the film are connected!
Only thing the climax could have been a little better its looks little incomplete towards the end!
But I can see the film again so that I can see Abhishek Bachan again dancing.
He is so hot....!!!:)...!!
And the song...masak kali ..masak kali...matak kali....matak kali...!!!
Amazing song...!!
Good film I could not understand why the theatre was empty.People go and watch this film!
Go...!!!:)..!!

A hymn Very close to my heart!

Whenever I feel low this hym definately makes me feel light.Wanted to share it with everyone.
Here it goes,
One Day at a Time
I'm only human
I'm just a woman
Lord, help me to believe in all I could be
And all that I am
Show me the stairway
I have to climb
Lord for my sake,
teach me to take
One day at a time
One day at a time, sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you
Just give me the strength to do everyday
What I have to do
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Lord help me today,
show me the way
One day at a time
Do you remember when you walked among men
Well Jesus you know,
If your looking below
It's worse now than then
Cheating and stealing,
Violence and crime,
So for my sake,
teach me to take
One day at a time.
This hym really holds some magic in it.You can only feel better after singing this.:).

Crawford Market!

There’s this place in Crawford market where they trade animals.
I had been there recently with one of my friend. He wanted to buy guinea pigs.
That place just portrays how malicious man can be.
The animals out there were in vulnerable conditions! There were birds, cats, dogs, rabbits and others! The birds were just dumped into small cages! So many birds in one cage! There was no place for them to move around forget about flying! All the animals out there had a helpless look on their face! The cats and dogs were kept in small cages too. There was hardly any space for them to walk around. The place was stinking badly!
You cage poor animals with no fault of theirs? I mean, how mean can one be?
How is it not against the law I wonder?
If they were taken good care yet it’s understandable. It was so depressing to see them there!
And I felt helpless standing there too because I could not do anything for them!
But only sigh!
How very cruel of man!!!
One should just sue all the owners of this industry!

Everything holds a price tag!

WHY are we so judgmental about people all the time?
We never relate to anyone on a basic level. We always built up a barricade while meeting/knowing anyone!
How often we hold prejudices against people. And the worst is which am sure happens with most of us we start rating everyone around and divide human beings in masses and classes!
Rightly said, “Everything holds a price tag”. That’s what we do to everyone around!
We act consciously/sub consciously according to our rating to that person!
Why can’t we just be pleasant to one and all?
Why Discriminate?
In our day to day life we try to discriminate at smaller levels too. An employer and an employee, a senior and junior, rich and the poor!
Why don’t we treat everyone on a basic human to human level?
Why all the fuss?

Reminds me of this song:
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

TREAT HUMAN BEINGS AS HUMAN BEINGS.

Reviews on Billu Barber!

I had given up on watching films in theatre’s a while ago and people wondered how could I be so much away from Bollywood! Recently saw this film Billu Barber chiefly because I like this actor Irrfan Khan.Hes a fine stage artist and other is dint have much to do at that point of time.:).
I often felt seeing SRK films that even if hes shown as a Layman in the movie there is this stardom which reflects on his face forever.In this film hes been shown as a great star so I dint have issues here.:).He was suppose to act like a big star.Like hes said the King Khan.
Irrfan Khan did a fantastic job. He portrays the character with perfection.Lara Datta, from no angle she looks like a village girl (gaav ki gauri), she looks too polished even when dressed in rags or may be her features don’t allow her to look like a village girl.
The visual effects of the film are really bad! One can easily make out which shots are blue screened shots!
The story moves fine and some camera angles were taken nicely.
And I liked one/two songs.
So overall this film dint make me like the pop corns more.:)..!!
Great Job Mr.Irfan Khan.:).!

Who am I?

Who am I?
I'm a painting left in dark,
I'm a candle losing spark
I'm a failure's last attempt
I'm a tear without contempt
I'm a single drop of rain
I'm a little joy in the pain
I'm the whole
I'm the vacuum
Well who am I?
I'm a bird who wants to fly
I'm a fish left out in the dry
I'm the last breath of the dead
I'm the beggars only bread
I'm the empty glass of wine
I'm a left undiscovered shrine
Well who am I?
I'm a crumpled paper thrown in the bin
I'm a forgotten, but once cherished hymn,
I'm a perfume bottle out of the rack
I'm a closed door jam-packed.
I'm a unattended call
I'm a thrown away, unsightly, ugly foolish doll
Well who am I?
I'm a homeless leaf
reaching the ground…
I'm lost,
I won't be found
I'm lost,
I won't be foundI'm lost,
I won't be found……!!!!!
Well who am I?